sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
