You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
