I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
