I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
