How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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