they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
