Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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