I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
