i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
