This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize