I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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