So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
