I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
