I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
