Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
