Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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