in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
