Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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