turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize