I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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