god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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