I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
