nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
