I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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