Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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