nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
