I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
