I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
