alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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