What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
