His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize