So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
