I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
