Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
