And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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