Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
