but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
