I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
