I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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