i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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