I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
