I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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