Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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