so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
