I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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