Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
