I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
