stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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