I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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