sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are we still banned from the library?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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