whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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