Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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