We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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