Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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