.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
