I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
