She said her name was "party"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
